Friday, September 24, 2010

Is it hot in here, or is there just a bunch of gay Samoans gaying it up?

Really? Homosexuality is the cause of global warning? That's the gayest thing I've ever heard.

Dis robbery is fer realz off da hook LMAO!

The more technology advances, the more we get dumber.   Take for example alleged "inside man" Kyle Lightner who has been accused of aiding Tyce Von Franklin rob the bank where he works.  What gave police reason to believe this?  Incriminating text messages sent from his phone.
"Don't forget yo sunglasses"
"Just in case u don't remember, just go in the front and walk straight... then u will see this hallway and my closet will bet to left."
I guess some last minute details they weren't able to go over in the heist planning meet.  My favorite is the warning that one of his co-workers gets a bit anxious under extreme circumstances.  "... screams at scary moves, so be calm."  Hey, at least he was thinking of his co-workers.  That's got to amount for something.

I'm laughing for all the wrong reasons

Comedic genius?  Or just a crazy dude on his back deck screaming?  You decide.

via danpoetman

Thursday, September 23, 2010

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to pull your pants up and stop humping that dinosaur"

Hey, I would consider myself a worldly fellow.  I've seen my share of things, some of which I would like to have not seen. I know there's some freaky fetishes out there.  Bondage.  Clown porn.  German Scheisse videos.  But I have to say that humping dinosaurs is new one to me.

I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I was a bit distracted

JWOW!  Yes, you can say that again.  I'm going to "undousuru" my right hand.

via MissHannahMinx

This is an emergency! Take your bra off!

Boobs.  Got to love them.  Now, in a sense, they can save your life.  The Emergency Bra, created by Dr. Elena Bodnar, not only supports women the old standard way but it also can act as a face mask.  If there were ever an occasion where harmful particles were floating in the air, take the bra off, separate the cups and viola... two face masks.  One for yourself and one for that guy ogling you bra-less. 

Illegally parked? Here's your ticket and might I suggest the Blossoming Lotus pose

Well, isn't that nice of the local Cambridge, Mass authorities?  They're printing yoga tips on the back of tickets to help to relieve the stress of receiving said ticket.  Yeah, not sure any of that makes sense.  Rather than doing the Sprawling Dog pose how about a coupon for a six-pack beer?  Nothing relieves my tension like a good buzz.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Where's Waldo? Apparently in Oregon and robbing banks.

I guess traveling all over the world, trying not to be "spotted" in large crowds has taken a toll on Waldo's financial situation.   It seems he's resorted to robbing banks to fund his world travels.

Today, class, we're going to learn about... the... effects... of... pot.. .

"Do you kids smell that?"

"We don't smell anything.  But class must be over, because it feels like 4:20, dude."

Chantix Dream Log #1

I recently decided to take another shot at becoming a non-smoker. I thought that I would get a bit of help this time from some drugs. I mentioned it to my doctor last month when I went in to see her and we went over the different secession aides available. After she explained which seemed to have the highest success rate I began to dig into the side effects. Yes, I know that whatever the side affects of taking a pill for a couple of months are, the effects of continuing to smoke would be far more detrimental to my long term health. I was just being prepared for what I had coming to me, and to be completely honest, I’m pretty sure that had anal seepage been thrown out onto the table I would have politely thanked my doctor for her time and continued to smoke until I died or they came up with something with a more acceptable list of side affects. Needless to say, anal seepage was not on the list. A greater propensity for suicidal thoughts and suicide were the worst of the side affects, and I figured I would start smoking again long before I jumped in front of a train or off of a bridge. There was one intriguing side affect that stuck out at me when she was going through the list. Freaky ass dreams. And so begins the Chantix Dream Log.

I was learned good in Indiana.

Public education at its finest.  Let me guess.  "Spelling" is not one of the 15 things.  Learn on, South Bend.  Learn on.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Flaming Lips @ The Pageant September 17

Saw The Flaming Lips on Friday night.  It's always a cathartic experience when I see them.  If you've never seen them live, do so immediately.  You won't regret it.