"Miss, are you using that as a verb and attempting to bribe an officer of the law, or are you using it as an adjective to describe yourself?"

"Mrs. Camp, it appears that you've got a little Captain in you. We found your naked toddler in your pick-up truck a quarter of a mile down the road. Oh, we also found the keys to said truck, your purse, and your empty bottle of rum."
"It's okay, I suck."
That's it? That's your explanation? This is a seasoned police veteran that you are trying to explain yourself to. He has heard every excuse in the book. I have diarhea. My wife is about to give birth to my first born son. The light was yellow. All I did was drive him to the bank and then to the airport. I didn't know he was going kill all those people. I suck?