Hey there little tike! Welcome to your life. I know it may seem like things got off to a shitty start but it might get better. I did say might so don't hold me to that because things are looking pretty bleak around here these days. Now I don't want you getting all upset about the fact that you probably aren't going to get to know your Mom too well. Sometimes Moms can be overrated and in your case I'm pretty sure you are going to be better off with someone else in charge of keeping you alive until you can do it for yourself. So get out of the shitter, wipe off that vernix, flush that placenta down that thing you were just in, and get to living.
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