We're grown ups here. Why are we still cutting?

So, I was in my local Starbucks last Friday to get my morning fix of caffeine. Side note: There are no good local coffee shops to get what I need, so I have to resort to the behemoth that is Starbucks for a somewhat decent cup of espresso.

There were three other individuals ahead of me waiting to place their orders and few behind. The person directly in front of me was an older gentleman perhaps in his mid to late forties. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just us adults waiting for our chance to give our order, pay, and get our drinks. Typical.

In waltzes a woman about the same age as the gentleman in front of me who walks directly up to him. They hug and make idle chit-chat. My first thought is "Oh. It's his wife. I'll let it slide in that case."

But it plays out differently. The line progresses, the man eventually places his order for one drink and then goes to the "pick up" counter to retrieve it. The woman stays in line in front of me and the other individuals behind. She goes up to place her order... of course separate from the guy that she was chit chatting with. The revelation makes my blood begin to boil. This lady just "cut" in line. Are we back in grade school or something? I thought the "cut" was was only what kids or drunks in bars did. But here we were. A week day morning in a god forsaken Starbucks and I was "cut" in front of. The devil inside me told me to punch her in the back of the head, jump over the counter and grab an urn containing brewed coffee and dump it on her inconsiderate face.

But I let my civil side prevail and bit my lip. That was until I realized that this inconsiderate lady had placed her order and now was still standing idly in front of the register engrossed with the CDs that were on display. This act of idleness was preventing myself and the others in line from placing our orders and going on with the rest of our lives. That's when the devil inside bitch-slapped the civil side.

"Excuse me. Do you mind getting the hell out of the way???" I said with a contempt in my voice that made her turn around. To which she gave no verbal response, just a hurried scurry to the "pick up" counter.

The tension was evident as we waited for our drinks. Her drink came first and she quickly fled the Starbucks not making eye contact with me.

Yes, it may have been a dick way to react the way that I did. But I like to think that I made a difference in that lady's life. Hopefully she'll think and act differently the next time she walks into a Starbucks. Maybe not. Maybe I should have just punched her in the head.

"Don't tase me, Bro! I'm huffing butane."

Who knew homeless people could be so flammable?

"She has what and what, where and where?"

Okay, so it's been a while since anything has been posted and if you had been listening to the last few radio shows or podcasts before they stopped you would know why. So if you are still confused as to what is going on, just download the last few episodes of the podcast and get caught up. Hopefully the show will resume at a later date and we will be sure to keep you abreast of any updates that come along through this here blog. Although there has not been a lot of time to find a lot of really twisted shit and put it up here, I just had to make time for this lovely lady and all of the fun things she has going on downstairs in her lady area. Does anyone have any Wrecking Balm?

Wait a second... now we're helping them defeat us?

Okay, this has been going on long enough and it needs to be stopped. When are people going to heed our warnings about the inevitable battle between man and ape? They are ripping lips, eyelids, hands, and testicles off of people. They are killing people with coconuts. They are throwing rocks at us in zoos around the world. They are monsters and they will take over if we give them the slightest opportunity to do so. Now we are giving them microchip implants and allowing them to operate robots via mind control? Be prepared. I can do no more for the human race.

Could I Be Kidnapped, Please?

Suicidal Depression Meets Macabre Creativity

How would you like to die? Most would say, “Peacefully in my sleep.” Not many would say, “Oh, I’d like to be decapitated.” Of those that would respond that way, I doubt that there are many who would be willing or able to be able to pull it off as a suicide. It's actually quite impressive.

Dirty Cowgirl

Both McCorvey and Newman declined to elaborate on the type of foreplay the couple was engaged in or what “dirty cowboy” meant.

Half-Nelson? Nope. Nelson overload.

I'm wondering what the baby-sitter's name is? Nelson? Or maybe Nelson. It could be Nelson, though. Or perhaps it's Nelson. Then again I got a sneaking suspicion it might be Nelson.

Just in case you've been wondering how all those people died in 90's, Russia....

Really? Science and research haven't progressed far enough where we can get a quicker answer on those nagging questions? And really, do we need to conduct research on what was the major cause of Russian deaths in the 90s? Isn't a given? Stoli. Absolut. Hello?

--Side note... I'm thinking the Russian military needs to rethink its paratrooper uniform (see article).

"I'M SORRY, I DON'T THINK I HEARD YOU CORRECTLY. COULD YOU REPEAT THAT, PLEASE?"